Seeing Bella At School

Today was really long, I couldn't keep Bella out of my mind all day, I hadn't seen her yet, but I remembered her scent from the Ceremony and it lingered in the halls, it drove me crazy and my throat burned, her scent was appealing to me, if the school wasn't filled with so many witnesses, I would have trace her down and taken what I wanted, her blood pumped through her veins and I just wanted to have it, the thirst was unbearable, I don't know how I got through the day, when just her scent made me feel like this.

Rosalie is still mad with me, I have been trying to block her mind out all day, but her screaming at me, is hard to tune out, I don't know what I am going to do with her, I am hoping she will come around, I didn't choose to fall in love with Bella, it just happened.

But it was at lunch that I struggled, Alice kept close watch on me throughout lunch, but Bella kept staring at me and I had to try and keep myself from taking her, from wanting her, too many witnesses, I couldn't expose what we were, everyone else was happy in Forks and I wouldn't be the one to expose us, though today, I came close.

Though if I wanted to, I could have lured Bella away from her friends and everyone else and then taken her for my own, but I battled with my emotions, I wanted her in so many ways, I wanted to keep her a live, but I was unsure if I could resist her for much longer. I needed to stay away, but I can't.

It was in Biology that she got close, too close. She was assigned as my lab partner, it was the longest I had to hold my breathe. But I can imagine she thought I was rude, because I couldn't talk to her, but only if she knew. Everyone else shy away from us, but not her, she kept trying to get close.

It is fascinating to me, that I can't read her mind, she can block me out and that frustrates me, I don't know what she thinks of me, or rather how she feels about me, I suppose time will tell.

But she shot me down after school, I tried to test my strength more by waiting for her at her truck, but she didn't acknowledge me much, will wasn't a good thing in front of Emmett who found it all too funny, must remember to repay the favour at some point.

But at the moment, I need to keep my head in the real world and off Bella, it's too complicated at the moment, and we have bigger problems with Coral and the Volturi coming