Sometimes I wish when I make a decision, I would stick to them, I didn't make it to Denali. I didn't even make it out of Forks. On my way out into the woods, her house drew me to her and that's where I ended up, outside Bella Swan's home.
I am unsure why I ended up there, when I had planned on going else where, but I was drawn to her, I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to her, even if she was asleep.
I had crawled in through her window, unethical on so many levels, but watching her sleep was calming, just sitting watching her, I realised I could handle the smell, it burnt my throat to the point it felt raw, and hurt, and my lust for her blood, and the sound of her heartbeat drumming in my ears, wasn't as unbearable like it had been over the last few days.
I thought that I could actually survive being around her, if I didn't get too close and if I didn't take so many breathes, it became easier to be around her, I should stay away from her, but I can't, she draws me to her, without even having to anything.
But everything changed while I was there, she spoke my name aloud in her dreams, without waking, it means she is thinking about me, that she could possibly feel the same way as me, and that's when my plans changed once more.
I can live, wanting her and her not wanting me back, I can deal with that, but I can't deal with her wanting me as well, she would one day find out what I am, and even if she did accept it, the only way she would be able to live, is to become one of us and I won't change her, I just won't. I will not take her soul from her and damn her to this existence for eternity. Bella deserves more then that, she deserves life. A life I can not give her.
For now, I am going to stay and figure my path out, and try to avoid her as best I can. I can't upset Rosalie anymore. I can't endanger my family to being exposed
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